“Any suggestions on how to make myself cry? How to let go to cry? I feel like I must be dead inside because I feel like nothing can break through and help me cry. I feel stuck. And I feel alone. And dark.” (Shared with permission.)

how to cry when the tears won't come

by hillary rain

How to make myself cry?

Come close, love. Are you heavy with the saltwaters of your soul? I know we've all faced a time or two when we ache for the comforting release of tears. This question came up in an eCourse I co-lead and stands out because I've struggled with it, too. How do you make yourself cry? Especially when it doesn't want to come?

It's so important to be gentle with your body. Forcing something or trying too hard can sometimes backfire and in this case, keep those eyes dry. Instead, a tender approach can help. Here are a few kind suggestions to woo the cleansing wash of tears.

First, ask your body if she's ready.

It's so important to be gentle. Your body might be holding onto your tears for a reason. Does she feel safe? Ask her and listen to what she reveals to you. To do this, find yourself a dark and quiet space. This might be as simple as crawling into bed. If you have a busy household or living constraints, even a closet will work for a moment alone. Grab a pillow or a blanket and make a cozy nest for yourself. Become as still as you can. Close your eyes. Take a breath.

When your breath slows to soft rhythms, place a hand across your heart and ask yourself, Am I ready for tears right now? Is there something that holds me back? What is the reason I'm not able to cry?

Try to be still and patient and see what comes to mind. Honor what you discover. Thank your body for showing you.

Invite your tears.

After creating a gentle space for yourself, a tender invitation for tears might sound like this:

I realize it's hard right now. Something is holding you back and I honor this vulnerability so much. However, a good, deep cleansing cry would really help me right now. I make space for the tears to come. I am ready. Thank you for protecting my heart and intimate spaces but it's okay to let go. I invite you to release the river that is held back. It is safe to do so now.

Get a running start.

Another way you can invite tears is to place yourself intentionally in their path. Are you nostalgic? Sentimental? Go through old letters and keepsakes.

Watch a stirring documentary or tearjerker movie. What are your favorites?

You know the adage,  “laugh until you cry?” Watch a comedy! Sometimes laughter is a gateway for a cleansing release.

Do something really kind for someone.

Sometimes doing a selfless act for someone who cannot “pay you back” brings on the tears because as you witness their surprise and gratitude you will feel connected to the heart and wholeness of humanity and be so touched by the way compassion and kindness truly can change someone's life. And you will be blessed far more than you could ever imagine. Tears often follow such an experience! If you do this, I would love love love to hear about it in the comments!!

Reach out. Allow yourself to be touched.

Connect with someone safe to your heart ... perhaps a phone call, or Skype, or a coffee date. Someone who will hold space for you and show you compassion and softness. Someone who will wrap you in a warm, comforting hug and remind you that you are not alone. Someone who will hear you and tell you I love you. Sometimes that's all we really need ... to be reminded we are loved.

Final thoughts ...

As you await your teary release, be mindful to speak kindly to and about yourself. Be gentle to your body. Speak only love and life.

What are ways you've found to bring on the tears? Please share your best suggestions in the comments!

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