BY HILLARY RAIN
Either I will be loud or I will be silent.
Either I will be too brave or I will be afraid.
Either I will be opinionated or I will be a pushover.
Either I will be too aggressive or too passive.
I wrote those words in my journal a few years ago, words which revealed the way I felt trapped, uncertain and afraid within a black and white outlook on the world. A third way was being made known to me but I was hesitant to take hold of it yet ... a third way, a door to walk through bearing symbols I didn't quite recognize but later came to understand as letters spelling g-r-a-c-e.
I don't have to do things the way they are “always done.” I don't have to do things the way I have always done them. I can be different. I can celebrate my differences. The way I've felt alone, ostracized, labeled throughout my life? For a child, rejection and criticism is like walking death but now I've come to see my unique ways as the deepest gifts. I call them wild graces: invitations to pathways to help change the world. To comfort the desperate heart. To heal the soul.
This fall I'm re-opening my practice as a holistic witness + soul-doula and the theme of wild grace bursts inside my heart. Underneath the clamor and chaos and the weight we carry in our homes, bodies, heart and soul, isn't this our most secret longing? Love, yes. Mercy and tenderness and closure and daring, vulnerable joy. All of these ... but oh, to be seen and birthed upon the wild rivers of an unknown yet magical way which invites the luminous, life-bearing elixir of grace to heal our pain? To set us free?
Gandhi reminds us, “In a gentle way you can shake the world.” I say yes, and here I am, shaking as gently as I can.
Soul mirror—a creative prompt for shadow work
Where have you felt pain for being “different?” Is it possible for you to look into a mirror, gaze deeply into your eyes and bless that source of pain? I'm convinced that while it may come in disguise and have achy side-effects, if we are willing to allow this redemptive work we find that our deepest agony holds the secret doorway to our greatest purpose.
To honor my passion for deep shadow-work and what I do as a soul-doula and Wild Mystic, this is part of a series of soul mirrors ... thoughtful quotes and questions designed to be felt, experienced, or expressed through writing, photography, altars, movement, poetry, and more. They might be simple or elaborate. If you choose to follow along, feel free to adapt according to your own soulful needs and/or share using the hashtag #soulmirror.
Hillary Rain writes about sensuality, spirituality, and the shadowed nuances of her creative life at spiritsoulearth.com.